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This is my son - all grown up.
I'm so very proud of him!
But I wish he would call
just a little more often :-)
Hugs, Mom

Fritz Von Woofshmidt
01/10/2000 - 01/04/2014



Fritz (aka Boo)
The very bestest doggy ever!


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    In Loving Memory of
    Bella Donna


    In the short time that we had together your unconditional love filled our lives with happiness, and our hearts with joy.

    Your passing leaves us forever changed.

    Rest in peace my sweet, darling, little girl.

    July 5, 2006
    to
    October 19, 2007


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    “The most potent muse of all is our own inner child.”
    Stephen Nachmanovitch

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    Location: Colorado, United States



    I'm a wife, a mom, a dog lover, a complete lefty, a true scorpio, and I'm on a creative journey. I welcome you to join me.



    Sewing Southpaw...

    Is the place where I share my creativity, my hobbies, and other stuff!


    10 December 2007

    One More Day

    I write this more for myself than as something that might or should be shared with anyone else. And I'm hoping that verbalizing it will help me get my head and heart in a better place. Because....

    I find myself looking at my future as a struggle from one day to the next. With each Monday begins not a new week but the realization that I've made it through the previous one. Yet, I often cannot truly remember what took place during that week. I have found myself living in a perpetual fog. A place where little joy resides but confusion and heart-ache abounds.

    You would think that by now I would have adjusted to the 'way things are' but I haven't. I just cannot seem to bring my emotions to a place where acceptance is reality. I'm still so very sad about the loss of Bella. Trying desperately not to be angry or curse GOD for what is. Or why it is, yet feeling so empty and betrayed.

    And why I'm still struggling to accept that my DS chose to live somewhere else, I do not understand, either. I should be thankful that he's safe, and happy, and exercising his independence. Entering manhood and preparing for what lies ahead of him. Yet, every day brings with it the reminder that home is just not what it always was. I miss his voice, his smile, the sparkle in his eyes and his presence.

    You would think that packing up and moving to a new place, getting a 'fresh start' would make it easier to leave these memories and the pain they bring behind. But it doesn't. Maybe when those memories aren't staring me in the face daily peace will come. Maybe I'm just not ready to be an empty-nester yet. I still want and need so much to be a mom. I've done that so long that I'm not sure I know how to do anything else. And certainly, I don't know how to do it at a distance.

    As I look at my calendar and see how quickly Christmas approaches I just about cringe. There will be no decorations this year, except for a tree. And that's only because DS is supposed to come home to visit. Sadly, even during this wonderful and special time of year there is little feeling of 'home' left within these walls. What used to feel so comfortable and inviting is now so cold and foreign, and so very empty.

    Well, I better go wipe my tears and get ready for the moving estimate we're getting today. We have a storage unit to rent and boxes to pack. And before you know it, it will be Monday again!



    Until Next time...Happy Needling!!!



    Labels: ,

    13 Comments:

    Blogger Jocelyn said...

    ((((((((((hugs))))))))) to you.

    I see and feel many "should" and "ought to" things in your writing - all those internal messages do, is set yourself up for failure when you don't meet their demands, and guilt because you haven't.

    You are allowed to feel sad as your children grow up, and leave the nest; you are allowed to be sad that Christmas is not the same as it used to be; you are allowed to feel sad for no 'good' reason at all.

    December 10, 2007 at 3:39 PM  
    Blogger Kate said...

    I'm sorry to see you are feeling so down. It's never easy when our kids leave the nest, no matter how young or old they are, or how well we have prepared. My son goes back and forth between here and his dad's house which is close by. He's planning another return to his Dad's after the holidays. I don't think I'll ever get used to it. My daughter is a freshman in high school and has begun talk of moving several states away as soon as she graduates. Anyway, I hope you feel better soon.

    December 10, 2007 at 5:12 PM  
    Blogger Ati. Norway. said...

    Gerry, I think you should let all things go slow for a while.
    You have had too much energi and emotional consuming things lately.
    Slow down a bit and take every day as it comes. I know by experience that doing somthing with your hands will help you. A Chinese philosopher said 'when your hands do work , your brain will rest'.
    It is writen on the cover of my origami book. (japanese paper folding)

    December 11, 2007 at 1:19 PM  
    Blogger Gerry said...

    Thank you for your insight, ladies. I have found much good sense and comfort in your words.

    I just need to work on getting my head and heart in sync. I am truly taking an artists view of things: The romantic over the realistic.

    Knowing the difference is the better part of the battle. :-)

    December 11, 2007 at 5:20 PM  
    Blogger Charlene said...

    Hey, Sweetie.
    You think because you were planning for the empty nest in another year or so that it would have been easier, but believe me, there is no planning for it. When you are whole-hearted mothers like we are, when the nest is empty, it is a loss... and with loss, there is grief, sadness, and pain.

    Who'd've ever thought I'd enjoy John Tesh - twice!!
    Love ya'

    December 12, 2007 at 12:22 AM  
    Blogger Pat Winter said...

    Dear Gerry, I have been where you are my friend. I know you won't believe me, but it does get better. I have only one child, Ed, and when he started college my heart broke. It was so full of sadness,painful lonliness that I thought would never subside. Well, each year he was away,each goodbye became easier as I saw him become a man before my eyes. My "motherliness" did not want a man, she wanted her little boy. To protect,make smile, and care for. Well, this is not what life is about. Life ,parenting is for you to give your child the very best you can,support them, teach them to be a good person, then give them wings. It hurts like hell, as you know, but it is a must. If he is ready to go into the world, you have done your job well. If he has unkind words, it is fear of the unknown future he must enter. You are such a sweet person, I know he loves you dearly,so give him his life to make his path,be there with open arms when he needs his mom, and they always do I have learned.

    As for moving, your sadness comes from good memories,but you will make more wherever you go. Home is where the heart is, always. We will be there with you,please allow us to be there for you. You are a strong ,loving woman, and good things are in your path. PLEASE give me a smile????Love and gentle hugs,Pat

    December 16, 2007 at 8:15 AM  
    Blogger gocrazywithme said...

    Gerry, you are always such a blithe spirit on the CQ4N list, you bring us all up. But you have a right to be blue sometimes too. Having an empty nest so suddenly, and then the loss of a beloved pet right on top of it....it's enough to make Santa himself sad. So give yourself a break and feel what you're feeling, remembering that it is temporary.

    And your Colorado buds are looking forward to having you here, even if you will be on the "wrong" side of the mountains!

    December 17, 2007 at 10:19 AM  
    Blogger Lauri said...

    Gerry

    I know it's hard, but cheer up ok?
    Let us know when you are moving. I am not promising, BUT if Janet and wants to come with me and I can get enough nerve up to drive without the hubby. I will come meet you when you move in and maybe even help you unpack the truck.And I know there are several more CQ people even closer to you. Go join the Crazy Quilt International group and you will find them. Maybe making some new friends willl cheer you up
    Lauri

    December 20, 2007 at 4:19 PM  
    Blogger Lori said...

    We love you Gerry..and we care, deeply. It will get better, I promise...take one day at a time, try to do some stitching to relax, have a cuppa and the days will get better. The Holidays are never easy..it's always the rush to get things done, the sorrow over missing family, missing loved ones, even Bella and my Max.
    Take care of yourself, and hopefully the New Year will bring you some happiness.
    Lots of love and caring,
    Lori Kinney

    December 24, 2007 at 11:39 AM  
    Blogger Cat said...

    Sweet Gerry… Hang in there girl!!!!! These horrible waves in life that sweep us over can be so cold and mean. This WILL PASS and you will have a happy heart again!!!

    I’m reading this many days after you wrote it (haven’t been around the blogs for a while) and by now your DS is in town and you are smiling.

    Call me if you want to talk. You were such a help to me when Blue died, you and your DH being in Park City that week was a god-send. Thank you.

    Have a Merry Christmas and may the one we celebrate bless you dearly.

    Hugs, Cat

    December 25, 2007 at 5:34 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I enjoy your needlework, and in regards to your sadness, I hope things get easier for you. It might help to make a "thankfulness list" of all the good things in your life, of which we all have many if we look around (health, love, friends, food, etc.) Kind of puts things in perspective, and most of all, God is not the source of evil, and not to blame, and ultimately, for every problem, heartache, and difficulty in life, I have found that truely and completely, Jesus is the Answer! He is the One true source of help and joy, and though not popular to talk about, He is all that is good and wonderful! I just wanted to share about my best Friend in the world, who is a present help in time of need and has been my help, comfort and strength through many heartaches and trials (I have an extremely ill husband with mental problems, just to share a little of what I go through). May 2008 be better for you!! Thanks for sharing your wonderful stitching!
    Jackie

    January 4, 2008 at 4:25 PM  
    Blogger Susan said...

    Finally, blogger let me on your blog! I've had a lot of trouble lately with several of the blogs.

    I'm so sorry you were feeling depressed, and hopeless, and I hope that things are improving. You are grieving, and that takes time - there's no shortcut through it all.

    I would be feeling abandoned by everyone, and it isn't rational, because it's emotional. That takes time to deal with, and you can't intellectualize it into going away.

    I do hope things are better today than they were the day you posted this, but I see you haven't posted much since, so I'm thinking you are still working it all through. Take your time. Big hugs to you.

    January 6, 2008 at 1:27 PM  
    Blogger Gerry said...

    I truly appreciate all of your support. It makes such a difference to know that I am not alone. You've all helped me so much during a very rough time. Your wisdom and encouragement gives me strength. Both of mind and spirit. Bless you!

    January 6, 2008 at 8:09 PM  

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