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    In the short time that we had together your unconditional love filled our lives with happiness, and our hearts with joy.

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    “The most potent muse of all is our own inner child.”
    Stephen Nachmanovitch

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    Location: Colorado, United States

    I'm a wife, a mom, a dog lover, a complete lefty, a true scorpio, and I'm on a creative journey. I welcome you to join me.

    Sewing Southpaw...

    Is the place where I share my creativity, my hobbies, and other stuff!

    14 January 2010

    Living in a State of Crises

    For some time now I've been trying to figure out what 'my problem' is with regard to seemingly not being able to stay focused on various tasks. I have repeatedly reassured myself that regardless of what there is to do, if you take the BIG PICTURE and break it down into SMALL PIECES, everything will get taken care of eventually. Unfortunately, I just cannot seem to eat that elephant in small bites. Maybe it's my personality in general. I know that I have it in the back of my mind that it all needs to be DONE. And if I can't get it all done, what's the point? So basically, I'm starting out with a defeatist attitude. So what!

    To further aggravate the situation, as of late, I have realized that I am having a TIME CRISES, of sorts. As in where the hell does it go? On Sunday I made a smallish list of things to accomplish this week. And here we are on Thursday and I'm looking at my barely checked off list! Trust me it wasn't a long to do list to begin with. So then, in my next little conversation with myself I try to convince "ME" that maybe I'm too finely defining my goals. That perhaps if I were to make a LIST of things to accomplish during the week, or maybe even the month that I would allow myself more flexibility and time to complete those given tasks. Or better yet, maybe I just need to quit wasting so much time with the damn lists!

    So right now the list is in the garbage and I'm typing on my blog. That seems like a perfectly prudent use of time, doesn't it? LOL. Actually, I believe that it is. Why, you ask? Because I need to verbalize what's been going on so that I might better be able to deal with it. Or maybe even up with a solution.

    Okay, here goes....

    CRISIS, as defined by:
    Wikipedia "A crisis (plural: crises) (from the Greek κρίσις) may occur on a personal or societal level. It may be an unstable and dangerous social situation, in political, social, economic, military affairs, or a large-scale environmental event, especially one involving an impending abrupt change. More loosely, it is a term meaning 'a testing time' or 'emergency event'.

    Crisis has four defining characteristics. Seeger, Sellnow and Ulmer[1] explain that a crises are "specific, unexpected, and non-routine events or series of events that [create] high levels of uncertainty and threat or perceived threat to an organization's high priority goals." Thus the first three characteristics are that the event is 1. unexpected (i.e., a surprise), 2. creates uncertainty, and 3. is seen as a threat to important goals. Venette[2] argues that "crisis is a process of transformation where the old system can no longer be maintained." Therefore the fourth defining quality is the need for change. If change is not needed, the event could more accurately be described as a failure."

    Alright, let's dissect this information and see if and how it applies.

    1.) Have there been any "unexpected or non-routine events"? Yes, many in fact. But I have chosen only to think about the last few months.

    My DH had prostate surgery in September, 2009 and while he remains cancer free there also remains lingering complications from it.

    My mother has had severe health issues, beginning with Jaundice and an extended stay in the hospital. Then extreme pain, fatigue and distress from bile duct drainage issues. Bringing her to where she is now, which is being in too poor of health to withstand the surgery that would determine if the underlying issue is Pancreatic Cancer. For now, she (and we) are living with simply a ‘probably’, and ‘most likely’ but ‘we really don’t know for sure.”

    My father just had another back surgery, in hopes that the deteriorating disks in his back, which are pinching off the nerves and causing him great pain, will be corrected. Up until the day of surgery it was very unclear as to whether his health, primarily his heart would allow him to have the surgery.

    I have to be honest, it absolutely sucks when one set of health issues precludes you from being able to have a surgery or other medical attention, without having to decide which one you would like to have kill you! Moving on....

    My sweet little furbaby Fritz had a go around with Trigeminal Neuritis recently. For those who don’t know the term, it’s dropped jaw - he couldn’t close his mouth. When we first noticed that he wasn’t closing him mouth, the gap was very minor. Over the next week, his mouth began to open further. At it’s worse, the gap was 2 fingers wide (my fingers). He stopped playing with his toys because he couldn’t hold them. He couldn’t eat dry food and he couldn’t drink water.

    Needless to say, we ran him to the vet only to be told that it was probably incurable and that he might eventually need a feeding tube or WORSE, need to be put down. The only other thing we were told, between the tears was that its cause is virtually unknown because it is fairly rare. We received a referral to a doggie neurologist and paid our bill.

    Of course I ran home and Googled it. What I found was much more encouraging that the vet had been. And after only about 10 days of forcing soft dog food down his throat, and using a syringe to give him water, his mouth began to close on its own. Today he is just fine and back to eating, drinking and playing! BTW, I’m changing vets.

    So, what else???? Oh yeah, I cleaned my new oven 2 days before Thanksgiving and it over-heated. Apparently a design flaw. The repairman had to disable the safety switch (how safe does that sound?) so that I could cook our turkey. The correct parts were ordered and the oven was finally fixed today.

    In retrospect, I suppose I should consider things like the fact that Mathew is still blowing me off, and that it's taken numerous service calls from Comcast to fix my wireless internet connection, and that I might be menopausal forever, as purely minor inconveniences. But if I did, what would I have to bitch about?

    2.) Does #1 "create uncertainty"? Well, that's pretty much a given. DUH!

    3.) Are #1 and #2 "seen as a threat to important goals." Well, I guess only if maintaining your sanity is considered an important goal. And by that I mean feeling like 'your life' is like trying to hold water in your hand. It just slips through. No matter how tightly you hold your fingers together, you can't hold on to it. Ahhhh, the proverbial sand in an hour glass!

    Finally, how does "[t]herefore the fourth defining quality is the need for change. If change is not needed, the event could more accurately be described as a failure" factor in to things? Since failure is not an option, I suppose it is time for a change. And therein lies the dilemma. What can I change? My attitude for one, I suppose. Although I'm relatively sure that if I was able to do that I probably wouldn't be here right now.

    That leads me to my next definition - Conundrum, which "is a logical postulation that evades resolution, an intricate and difficult problem." Can you hear me screaming? No? That's probably a good thing.

    Fine! I'm going to really temp fate. I'm going to clean my oven. I dare it to over heat again. I might also go buy an Erma Bombeck book, have a bottle of wine, and see how long I can hold my breath under water. Then I can say I did something today. LOL.

    Until Next time...Happy Needling!!!


    Labels: ,


    Blogger Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

    Oh sweetie. It sucks. Totally sucks! I am so so sorry and wish that I could help you.

    Tell me what to do and I will totally do it!

    January 14, 2010 at 4:45 PM  
    Blogger Gerry said...

    Mindy darling,
    I love you for being such a sweetheart! Life is just difficult sometimes and those of us with type “A” personalities just don’t do as well as others, I guess.

    I do appreciate your concern, and I’m trying to approach all of this with a ‘devil-may-care’ attitude but SHIT! Okay, I’m better now. LOL.

    Thank you so much for being there AND for being you!


    January 14, 2010 at 7:29 PM  
    Blogger Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

    Excuse me....but you still have not told me what to do!

    January 14, 2010 at 7:30 PM  
    Blogger Cathy K said...

    Dear Gerry, I don't know whether to laugh or cry along with you. So many of the things you mentioned are going on in my life too; perhaps it is just a life change. It sucks no matter what. I think it's also worse in the winter - SAD - Sunlight Affective Disorder. A fancy term for the lack of light exacerbating depression. And our kids blowing us off (that's something in common we have) doesn't help. Health issues - as you said, a conundrum. Don't worry about your lists. Don't make them. Try to do one thing per day, even if it's just one foot in front of the other as you walk to the computer to play games or vegetate in front of the TV. THIS, TOO, WILL PASS!! Treat yourself to a massage. A candlelit bubble bath with a glass of wine (or whine, your preference). This state of limbo, of unfocused nothingness, will get better. Or call me - we can talk and whine and cry and bitch and let it out. Really, you are not alone. Big hugs, Cathy

    January 14, 2010 at 7:47 PM  
    Blogger Lauri said...

    Hi Gerry
    It sounds like you need a stitch and bitch session. I wish I lived closer than 5 hours away.
    I agree health issues suck. especially cancer. I will pray that all turns out well. And thank you for your message on my blog the other day. It was great to hear from you

    January 14, 2010 at 8:42 PM  
    Blogger Linda Fleming said...

    Now if this damn computer doesn't shut itself down before I can post this.. it already has once when I had a comment about 1/2 written...

    Gerry, any one of those things by itself would be enough stress and worry, but all of it together must feel overwhelming. I don't know why life has to periodically throw everything at us at once. I went thru a very stressful time that involved lots of issues about 10 years ago. I got thru it by hanging on by fingernails- LOL Some of the issues resolved, some are still on going. I hope you can find something postive in your life to hang on to and focus on each day. I say forget your list and just spend your time doing whatever distracts you from all the chaos going on, and brings you even a small amount of enjoyment.
    Get that bottle of wine out, cuddle Fritz, have a good cry if you need it, and be good to yourself. Big hugs to you ((( )))

    January 14, 2010 at 10:18 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I wanted to send you a virtual hug. Although when some are stressed hugging is not their thing if that is the case then a light hand squeeze is sent your way. Please know I am thinking of you and your family!

    I also wanted to thank you for being such a inspiration to me, your work is amazing and a delight to view many times over!

    Ann Flowers

    January 15, 2010 at 1:44 AM  
    Blogger Carol VR said...

    After reading your post I don't think any of the rest of us have anything to bitch about.

    My prayers are with you.


    January 15, 2010 at 9:48 PM  
    Blogger Cat said...

    Oh Oh, crisis is right. Jeepers!

    Sounds to me like you have had a ton of "peace stealers" hit you!

    Oh my gosh what a list! Hugs to ALL in hopes of better times ahead!

    And hugs to YOU that you will be able to reclaim your peace. Breath deep and relax and let it float away with this quick passing time!

    And cuddles to Fritz...I'm so glad he's better!!!

    Prayers for Peace, Cathy

    January 16, 2010 at 7:48 AM  
    Blogger Charlene ♥ SC said...

    Hey, Girlfriend!
    email coming.
    love you.

    January 16, 2010 at 7:51 AM  
    Blogger Lesley said...

    Hi Sweetie, I don't really know what to say, except I'm so sorry about all the bad things that are hovering around you at the moment. The only advice I can give you is to keep on believing. These times will pass. You're in my thoughts.

    January 17, 2010 at 2:56 AM  
    Blogger Momma Bear said...

    with all you've had to deal with lately,
    I would be a sloppy wet mess by now!
    Bubbles you need Bubbles, lots of them! a nice warm bubble bath a glass(or three!) of wine and chocolate!
    your poor bruised soul needs some down time!
    no wonder you can't get anything done!

    pamper yourself shamelessly!
    and don't feel the least bit guilty for doing it!!!!!
    I'm sure the rest of the "Girls" will back me up when I say we give you permission to be wholly and totally SELFISH!
    after all who takes care of everyone else if you can't?

    January 17, 2010 at 1:36 PM  
    Blogger Maddie Can Fly said...

    It's January that's all. The month of January sucks the big one. I warn my co-workers not to even talk to me during January -- I'm just not fit to be around. I hate it, have always hated it and it's the longest month of the year. Bet you didn't know it is really 75 days long? (LOL).

    And of course you have all the health issues of your family to deal with too so that makes it a double hard time for you.

    Just wait until January is finally over and things will start looking up.

    January 18, 2010 at 8:31 AM  
    Blogger Judy S. said...

    Gosh, Gerry, it sounds like you've really been through the mill. Thinking plenty of good thoughts your way and hoping for better days to come. Glad your doggie is better at least. Big hugs.

    January 18, 2010 at 11:54 AM  
    Blogger Gerry said...

    Thank you all for taking the time to read my post and for your heart-felt words of encouragement.

    I didn't realize (originally) how sad and pathetic it sounded. But I guess it is what it is! LOL.

    January 23, 2010 at 9:09 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Sounds like time for a time out just for you! No list of things to do. Just take the day or the week off and do things that you enjoy - read a book, take a walk, soak in the bubbles - don't think about things that need doing. They will still be there, and you are in time out!

    January 30, 2010 at 12:13 PM  
    Blogger Gerry said...

    Gosh, Susan it’s so nice to hear from you! It seems that so many of us have sort of gone our own ways over the past year (or so). Not that that is a bad thing, it’s just sad that we tend to loose touch with each other.

    Thank you for stopping by to visit and for your words of encouragement. I’m finding that taking a ‘time out’ has been good advice. If for no other reason than to really think about what’s important in life.

    I hope all is well with you and that you are happy, healthy, and staying creative. Take care!

    February 8, 2010 at 3:05 PM  

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